peanut butter for breakfast

I'm not even kidding. Right now, my left thumb has peanut butter on it. No, I'm not typing with my left thumb. I'm too poor right now to buy breakfast, so I shall stick to peanut butter until I get to my car later where I have some protein bars. Thank goodness for those <3

Someone keeps texting me, but my phone in on the other side of the room plugged in, and I'm all comfy in my bed over here. How annoying. And guess what's also annoying. It's raining. And I'm supposed to haul my two horses today. HOW ANNOYING. Oh well. What has to be done will be done.And now I shall spend my remaining time before I must leave reading. Good day. And look at my horses.

<3 

haaaaaaaaaaa

I don't wanna work again todayyy~~~~~ I'm so sore!!! T^T

Oh well I suppose I must just deal with it D:<

I screamed so loud today...

And it was legit.. Ray implied that I made it up with Raj had his colic episode a few weeks ago. Yeah, because I would make that up. I've seen colic enough times in a horse to know when it's happening. Just because I hate Terry doesn't mean that I make shit up just to make him look worse than he really is! I don't need to make anything up, it's ALL REAL! And I KNOW when a horse founders, and I know why it happens, and I know how it happens. And if my parents think that doing a little five minute research on foundering is enough to say I'm just making it up in my head because I want Terry to be a horrible horse owner, they are FUCKING NUTS. Excuse me if I don't want my horses' lives ruined.

There's the other possibility... I just can't take care of horses - or any animals - for shit. Think about it. My cat was evil and we put him down. My dog didn't even make it to her second birthday. My other dog suffered every single day for the last year OR LONGER of her life. Marley doesn't listen worth shit anymore, and Goober just randomly attacks whoever the fuck he wants. I've had Boo since October and he hasn't even gained weight until APRIL? And even in April, you could barely tell he'd gained weight, there wasn't a visual difference until like a week ago.

So basically... What the fuck.

the weather is playing tricks on me :(

sun sun sun sun sun sun sun JUST KIDDING, RAIN!

What the fuck!! I need to freakin work man this is so stupid! anywho this is super short because I need to go shower and start my day whether that'll be working or cleaning my house I suppose I'll find out in an hour :(

Tonight...

I shall sleep in the same bed as a cat and three dogs, two of which smell absolutely foul from rolling in dead things even after having a bath!! I am a crazy woman. 

I'm dying of hunger :(

but my rice is still cooking so blah :( I shall write some while I wait because if I am not a horse person I am a writer :P 

today I shall see

mikki. and josey, sounds like. But more importantly, mikki. I don't want to lose my friendship because of some stupid asian dudes, and that's pretty much what was happening - not that we don't have other issues to fix as well, but that was the biggest thing. So hopefully today will be good for us. And I need to go make sure stupid terry didn't forget to feed my horses. >:( I hate that I actually have to go do that.

Seriously WHERE did the bloody sun go!?

I'm really pissed off actually, because it is NOT fair for the weather to be all lovely and perfect for so long and then go back to OVERCAST?!!!! WASHINGTON YOU NEED TO QUIT IT NOW FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!! Ugh!!!! :( I just want to ride my horses in the sun, you know?? And I wanna wear shorts and work on my tan I only have a few months of the year to do this come onnnn!!!

Anyway. I should probably get up and go feed my babies. My precious lovely Skyy who is in heat and is seriously asking for a fight. lol.

hey so if you read me

Seriously, I know someone reads this. because I get tons of page views. So if you're reading this you should say something! Tell me I'm an idiot! Or tell me I'm fuckin the coolest chick ever! Unless your name is Ball and you're still reading this for some reason in which case DO NOT say anything; quit reading this.

Anyways I'm so up for some criticism OR encouragement ;)

haa I win!

I beat the system! haha just kidding I just beat high school :)

It is so disgusting out

So all my work is cancelled today, whoo fuckin hoo I really need money right now lol

BUT HEY I can always just do a spell or two in fact I do believe imma do one in a few minutes because I finished my schoolwork and I believe I shall do a spell because I REALLY NEED TO before I go off to buy some lovely pink slime and buy new sheets for my bed that have never been touched my any guy. Yaa purity! lol or something like that, right? fuck men! 

First speeding ticket :(

$150 for going 15 over. Even though I was actually going 20 over. lol. I made it two years driving like a maniac, and then the one time I'm one of the slowest drivers on the road I get pulled over!? I blame it on that damn necklace. I got it back from ball and wore it when I went to Tacoma and I was surrounded by bad luck all day! When I got home, I took my necklace off and held it in my hand, with my bad juju necklace in the other and they felt I kid you not EXACTLY the same. :( So I'll be cleansing that bad boy lol before that happens again! and until I get around to that it's soakin' in some lovely ashes to keep is away from spreading like a disease to my other things. The difference between my bad juju necklace, btw, and this one, is that the bad juju on is bad juju that I will on others; it's mine and therefore doesn't tend to draw bad things to me when I wear it, just the people around me. But the necklace that I got back from ball... I think it's out to get me for breaking his heart. But whatever man that's part of life and get over it!!
Now if you'll excuse me I just have to... fuck I was gonna do something what was it. I have to go remember what the fuck I have to go do! Oh right read Harry Potter!! hahaha yes that's it! 

lol I would do that

drip vita-rain all over myself when I'm drinking it? Yep. I would. In fact, I did.

So my tattoo is fabulous <3 <3 <3 I love it to death. Now all I need is Skyy's name somewhere... Maybe my left upper back? And then what my mom and sisters and I will get together. Exciting how much money I'll waste on this stuff lol!

Now I have to go shower before I spend my whole day doing school and work. whoo-fuckin-hoo. 

Time Machine

aruite kita bkou no michi wa jyari darake de
me wo tojite mo sotto kimi no koto kanji nagara

itsu no hi ni ka usurete yuku warai namida kami shimete
yukisaki wo sagashite nagasareteku

arukenai yo oki wasureta omoi kotoba kaze ni nagare
katachi wo kae nagara

itsumademo futari de itai ne
sunadokei wo sakasama ni oite

'moshimo toki ga modoru naraba negaimasuka?'
negaeru no naraba kimi to ita koro e
gogo no ame wa terekakushi no saiwai ni natte
akireru hodo ni kimi no koto dakishimesasete zutto...
soba ni ite... taion ga samete shimawanu you ni

ano hi naze ka dakishimerarenakatta
kimi no itami mo omoi mo subete

itsumademo futari de itai ne
sunadokei wo sakasama ni oite

'moshimo toki ga modoru naraba negaimasuka?'
negaeru no naraba shiritakute kimi ga
sono negai ni boku no ibasho motometeru nante
ushinatta mono wa kakegae no nai mono deshita... zutto.

The road where I came walking was full of gravel
Even with my eyes closed, I could gently sense your presence

One of these days, I thought about the laughing tears that had faded to dimness
Looking for a destination where they can flow to

Without walking, the words and thoughts that I had left behind are a streaming current in the wind
Changing form at the same time

I want to be with you forever
So I placed the hourglass upside-down

'If you could, do you want to turn back time?'
If I could, I'd go back to the time when I was with you
The afternoon rain becomes the happiness in hiding my shyness
In amazement, I embraced you, always...
By your side... the warmth of your body doesn't seem to become cold

On that day, for some reason, I couldn't embrace you
Your pain, your thoughts, everything

I want to be with you forever
So I placed the hourglass upside-down

'If you could, do you want to turn back time?'
If I could, I want to understand you
In that wish, I was praying for a place where I could be
The things I had lost can't be replaced... always.


There's more than one reason why Alice Nine is my favorite band, and there's more than one reason why this song is my all time favorite song and I'm feeling pissed that I wrote these lyrics to Ball once.

My hair falls out like crazy man

I mean, not crazy crazy, not in handfuls... But still a lot. Too much for my liking, even though I don't like how thick my hair is lol

So anywho I have three more days until I get my tattoo! That means three more days of protecting my shoulder and upper back from the sun when I work outside which means I no longer get to wear tank tops when I work - for the rest of this week and the week after while my tattoo heals. Funny how the weather decides to get nice right when I have to keep my skin away from the sun for a tattoo. >:(

Oh well life goes on~ I had a dream about Willy last night but I don't remember what the fuck it was about. And that's the second time this has happened - the first time I had a dream about willy it was several months ago. Lol apparently Christopherson thinks he's good dream material, and I will agree I'd rather dream about him than about people dying or getting raped or whatnot. Now I have to go to schoolwork before I go to work. Yay.

trimmed feet!

Because it's spring time, the horses' feet are growing faster than usual. They will be getting a trim every 6 weeks for a while rather than every 8 weeks. So while Christina was trimming my babies' feetsies, we chatted and I must say that I freakin' love Christina. Best farrier on the planet? Very, very possible. Anywho now my back pain has gone down a lot today - nothing like yesterday or the day before, that shit was crazy. And now once again, I've proven that my body will indeed work itself out if I give it proper chance to, and I don't have to talk to a doctor or ANY sort, nor do I have to take any medication, of any kind. I'm strong and powerful in many ways :P

Now I'm off to.... I don't know what I'll do for the next hour before I have to go back to work. Maybe finish HP#6? :) 

lol mcdonalds how many times this week?

way too fuckin many. But its just so convenient! I suppose that's the point of fast food, isn't it? In any case, I've had mcdonalds about 4 times this week. How am I not fat? hahaha! I love my body and my body loves me that why! :P I'm actually munching on a quarter pounder right now. With a large root beer - I get the large so that I get large fries, which I share with Mar. DO NOT JUDGE, my dog is healthy and happy.   :D

Anywho! I'm going to chat a bit with my lovely Mexi-Fri! And that apparently is Sammie's new nick name! hahaha He'll love to hear that. Then I'm gonna write a bit.. Or maybe read. Probably write, I haven't written enough lately.

I love my Rowie!

We've been spending so much time together lately and I'm so happy!! She brings out the loveliest part of me if I do say so myself :P And if we don't go get tattoos on Saturday we'll go to Seattle and do some witchy shopping <3 <3 <3

So Mikki is probably getting back with Boat.. fuckin' stupid, if you're gonna tear a guy's heart out you better fuckin be sure about what you're doing. either way there's nothing I can do, I've tried being her best friend and she wont accept anything I have to offer so I don't know what the fuck she expects from me. It's exhausting and I aint doing it anymore.

This sunday kayla and I will be going to tacoma to visit our dad. Can I sit in a car with her all the way to tacoma, spend the day with her, and drive back? I have no idea. Terrence will come with.

I changed my fishies!

Well look! they are all pretty pinks now <3 yay!! 

It's my dad's birthday

and fuck no I aint gonna stop posting shit that no one reads because I found out someone started reading it. I'm not even gonna fuckin deal with any of this I don't want to be stuck in the middle of something and I don't want to get into something that I know wont end well and I KNOW THIS WONT END WELL. He needs to understand that while what we had was amazing, it's not here anymore. Because I'm not letting it be here, because it was a time in our lives that is passing, and I have things I have to move on to do and so does he whether he realizes it or not. There isn't a single man on this earth that's gonna hold me back regardless of their feelings towards me or mine towards them. Some people think that if you find someone you love you should give everything up for them, but that's not how I work, that's not how I was raised, and that's just not gonna happen with me. If you have a wonderful relationship and it ends for whatever reason, then it is ended and that just means that there's someone else waiting for you somewhere else. You just gotta have patience, and ya gotta look. That's part of life, so ya gotta live it. To it's fullest, not until you get dumped and feel like shit 'cause of it. What I'm tryin to say here is we all just need to move on. Don't waste your days when you've got so much waiting for you. I don't have the guts to say this to his face, but there's no way we can try again. Because I'm not putting my heart in soul in that again, especially when I know it'll only be for a few months before ripping apart again. Ball and I are no more, for good. If he reads this he'll find out, if not he'll probably find out soon enough anyway.

And now I will move on to say that I cannot wait for this weekend. Jesse better do a damn good job on my tattoo!! Oh also it as actually my dad's bday today but I aint sayin' shit to him 'cause he didn't say shit to me on my 18th until like 8PM which means that he didn't bloody care enough to takes FIVE MINUTES out of his goddamn day to call and say "Happy 18th Abby". Shit, that doesn't even take 5 minutes, that takes about 30 seconds! For fuck's sake he could've at least texted me: HAPPY BDAY or even just HBD or fuck he didn't even have to capitalize it hbd would've been fine as well. So. THERE YA GO, DAD. Thanks. And yes I do feel like holding a grudge about that. And now I've gotta go to work. Yay.