today is the day that my exes remind me just why they are labeled X

I'm goin along, doin ok, not thinking of the fuckheads in my past, and then here I get smacked in the face by a lovely fuckin reminder.. this is why he hurt you, this is why you cried, this is why you get a sick feeling when they are brought up in conversation.. time to completely cut these losers out of your life.

but its not that easy, right? especially when you still love one of them.

the hardest day is monday

because Monday, you think, "damn. another week, and I'm only at day one."

Tuesday, you think "Well at least tomorrow is an easy day,"

and Wednesday you think, "ugh I do NOT want to go tomorrow. fuck it."

Thursday isn't as bad... "Tomorrow is Friday. Tomorrow. Is. Friday."

And then Friday... "Thank god, tomorrow I can sleep until 8, hell, 9!"

Saturday, you wake up whenever you please, and think, "yes. I dont have to do a thing."

Sunday is also nice, but there's a dark cloud coming over your shoulder. "My weekend is already over. How did it go by that quickly?!"


I hate, hate hate hate, Meredith Manor. a lot 

Hey pretty boy..

its time to wake up

its already after 10 oclock

Hey pretty boy,
put on your makeup

its time to leave,

its time to get ready to ROKK!

:P judge me however you please

Willow

Where to go from here?

What I would love to do is train horses, ride horses, massage horses, and teach people how to be successful with horses (whether that be in the saddle, on the ground, or just knowing about them). Then, I would love to go to a home where I can garden, cook nice meals, and be with my family. I want to learn about all the things I'm interested in, history, mythology, psychology, anthropology. I want to have nights out with my close friends, getting sushi or ice cream and enjoying the world after the sun sets.

I have been told often that in this life, you don't always get what you want. Sometimes, you get stuck with a job you hate, no time to do what you want, and company that is less than likable, but you just have to deal with it. Just deal with that, because that is life... But I don't think that life is about doing things you don't like because you have to... Life is doing things that make you feel good and that feed your soul. If you find the right way, you can accomplish the things you dream of accomplishing. You can be able to do things that make every single day worthy of life on this Earth.

So I guess my problem right now, is that I don't know what way is the right way. I don't know if I should go North, South, East or West.. But I can't just stay stuck here, so I better make up my mind. I would really like some help, but that's something that I don't think I'll get when it comes to my decision making. I know that I am blessed with people who truly love and care about me, and will follow me regardless of the direction I take. So thank you to my family, my Mom and Dad, Ray, Rowan, Sam, Kelly, Tierney, Kayla, Grandma Karen and Grandma Ba, Nico, and of course, Athena, Aphrodite, Apollo, Helios, Green Lady, Speaker of Truth, Alex, Terence, Firenzee, Thane, Yashiko, Boon, and Joano.

Also, thank you West Virginia, for making me appreciate so much more what I left at home. 

I have absolutely no plans today

and I do not know what to do with myself. ugh :( 

Bulfinch's Mythology

2 1/2 inch thick book, full of greek mythology.
 Just got it today.... so excited to read it!! 

unknown bug in my crate

with wings. He flies really loudly, and follows me everywhere. I told him, if he insists on staying, then he at least has to be quiet.

He landed on the ceiling, by the light, and is just sitting there, quietly now.


if he decides to make much more noise, however, I will have no choice but to bring out the chemicals.

"I need a distraction"

that's what I said, and he said to just do whatever distracts me.
"If I were home that would be easy, my whole life is there." he agreed with me.
"Sadly, that doesn't matter. Because I am stuck here, for another four fucking months."


and now, there is a strange flying bug in my crate. Wonderful.


I really despise west virginia. a lot. 

my daily schedule

7:30-8AM: Breakfast
8:00-10AM: Massage
10:00-12PM: Business
12:30PM: Lunch
3:00PM: Training
6:00-7PM: Feed
7:00PM: Dinner

That's it.


Now, do I actually do these things every day? Usually not. In fact, recently, I have been going to classes randomly, when it doesn't seem too cold outside for me. Today, I woke up to a foot of snow outside, still snowing, and I decided that I would rather go back to sleep. So I did.

I just want to go home. I don't care about this school anymore, at all. I want to sit in a classroom and learn about history and literature and english, and then go take care of horses and train horses and be with my family and garden. The majority of my 18th year of life, sucks. And the beginning of my 19th year, will also suck. But I'm really hoping that, at the turn of 19, I can start fresh. New years was almost a month ago, but it wasn't a new year for me... So maybe in a two months and two days, it will be.

Maybe I've completely lost my mind. haha.. who knows, who cares

diary of a mad black woman

I just watched this movie... tyler perry, so yeah, it's stupid funny, but I enjoy it nonetheless.

ACTUALLY this time, watching it kinda pissed me off. And made me think, which made me come to some conclusions that also pissed me off. They also hurt my feelings (a lot), but mostly, I'm kinda mad. Maybe that's what happens after watching 'diary of a mad black woman'... lol. seriously though. fuck.

also, fuck him. except not really, because even though I'm hurt and mad I'm still stuck (stupid heart). but I'm working on that.

again, fuck. 

well, then.

you know when you hear stories about something and it's just so astounding and shocking that you can't believe it's really true? Or at least, you think, Well, I'll certainly never be confronted with that situation, I don't hang around anyone so stupid.

Well, guess what. I, for the first time (and hopefully the only time) in my life, had a human (who attends the same school as I do), tell me right to my face, while looking me in the eyes with her very sincere ones, "I don't believe in evolution".



.................
What the fuck? What do I say to that??! What I did say, after waiting to make sure she would start laughing and say Just kidding!! Who wouldn't believe in evolution? That's just ridiculous!, was "Oh, well, interesting opinion..."

After that had been said to me, I started to realize that many of the students I go to school with probably think the same as her. Many of the students - my peers - probably believe in a perfect God who created mankind just exactly how we are today. Natural selection? Ha, that probably doesn't mean anything to these people.
AND I HAVE TO LIVE WITH THEM.

Don't get me wrong, I believe in much more than just science. I have strong beliefs about several deities, elements, and mythological beings. But I also know that SCIENCE IS SCIENCE, and EVOLUTION IS REAL.

I am disgusted at the ignorance of these people. You have human brains, the most amazing brains in the world - USE THEM.


Ugh.

I cannot wait to get home.

you know all hope is lost when your teddy bear leaves you.

and that, my nonexistent friends, is what has happened to me today. fuck.

everyone is so obsessed with the temperature

who fucking cares what the exact temperature is? fucking cold is fucking cold no matter how you look at it.

these stupid manor girls should just shut uppppp already. its annoying. really really fucking annoying.

I'm annoyed that I got dumped

what the fuck, right?




right.

what the fuck. 

fuuuuccckkkk

you all~~~


that's my own personal song for the day. wrote it myself. 

say anything

"the path into this heart, is littered with corpses and strewn with body parts of those who came before, so just give up. the path into this heart is littered with corpses and strewn with body parts of stronger souls than you, stronger souls than you... So don't go getting your hopes up."

those are some lyrics to "I Am A Transylvanian".

Or, there's

"There's a man assigned to me, and he checks on my stability. We discuss you every week, then I rinse and rinse repeat. And he charges by the tear, till I weep no more... Then I can't afford your love..."

From "Total Revenge"

Or,

"I'm right here, and I must admit I've been pining for you. You're my wish... When I touch myself I am conjuring you. From fresh dirt, when we talk all night and the minutes are free.. I just hope when I cast my spell, you'll be fallin for me.."

From "Retarded In Love"

OR

"If you want roses you go buy a bouquet.. if that just wont cut it, well what can I say? You're what keeps me believing the worlds not gone dead.. strength in my bones put the words in my head when they pour out to paper its all for you...'cause that's what you do.......... if you could forgive me, for being so brash.. well, you could hit me or whip me, I'd savor each lash. "

From, "I Want To Know Your Plans"


I could go on for hours, because I am so in love with this band. But I will stop here.

My favorite song is the first, I feel like I can umm relate. ha. What am I doing if it's not ripping up hearts and souls? Probably nothing useful... But that probably isn't useful, either.

Today I realized

I can make some serious money. Like, damn.

HURRY UP SCHOOL SO I CAN START MY CAREER!!!!! 

100 hours for MM, 300 hours for WAS!

I have serious plans to become an equine massage therapist. At Meredith Manor, they will certify you with a 3.0 GPA in the class along with 100 hours of massage hours. However. To become certified in Washington State, where I will actually be living and doing massage, you must have THREE HUNDRED (300) hours of massage before you graduate from the program you are getting certified through. That means that, while I was planning on only having to log 100 hours in the next 4 1/2 months, I now have to log 300 hours in the next 4 1/2 months. That means that every day until I graduate I will have to massage 2 1/2 hours a day, including during my spring break in March. Umm good thing I'm not in riding classes anymore?? Jesus fuck. 

Welcome to Earth 2013

I was trying to sound like a hippy there. :D


I am back in WV now, currently sitting in my shipping crate, listening to old Shakira music. It's 1pm on wednesday, which means that showing class is about to start. Only thing is... I'm not in showing anymore!

I have switched from my RMIII contract to a special contract which will become an equine science master when I graduate. I no longer ride horses.