yesterday, someone died

not just someone, but two someones. Though I did not know them personally, they were dear friends to most all at the BYC and very close friends with my sister, Tierney. The fire that took them was extremely unfortunate and due to pure neglect. I am confident that these two beloved people will journey on to their next life happily, and from what I've heard about them, they would want everyone to grief for them but also move on and continue their lives to the fullest. To his youngest son, I send my prayers. Stay strong, and go on to find light in everything just as your father did.

Well let's see here ...

It's the 29th of March. Disgusting weather, I must say. 
But hey, I got HAY! Ahahaha, such a relief. I'm quite happy about it. 


I've spent the majority of my day lazying around in bed, and really I must admit that I feel pretty pathetic for it. I know some people are more than happy to do what I'm doing, but I feel far to useless myself. And I've only eaten unhealthy things today. Hah speaking of such, it seems I rarely eat but when I do it's things like chocolate and sweet tarts and other such snacks. How do I remain so bloody thin? Well. I barely eat anything. 


Currently I have Jack and Marley both staring at me. Jack now is preoccupied with a ball, though. Oh, Ball. He's in Cali currently. Or, was heading there. I haven't heard from him since before he boarded his plane. Hopefully I'll hear from him tonight :)


Jan has just texted me and lovely Terry isn't home tonight or tomorrow morning so off I go now to feed some horses ta-ta~

march weather cant decide

rain sun rain sun wind wind wind!

what is UP, man? don't even get me started on the whole TEMPERATURE part. jesus bloody fuck! Should I wear a tank or winter coat? couldn't tell you, it changes throughout the freakin day.

okay maybe I'm exaggerating on that one. but still!

Yesterday was my birthday. I'm 18 now. And I don't want to age anymore, thank you! =p

this evening I shall be doing some laundry, reading (or writing haven't decided yet) and then I'll head over to feed the horses dinner. Yay for 2x day feeding finally~ once I get my own hay it'll be 3x day until that damn field grows out! That's all I feel like writing now.... but hey I feel I've updated almost normally lately so your welcome nonexistent readers :D 

meeoooow?

meow meow meow.
hi meow meow!
cute little meow meow,
bye meow meow.

meeoooooow~

Goober (aka meow meow) have a good relationship.

I'm gonna be an adult soon

And Marley shall be four. <3

I wonder if I'll feel different - more empowered - once I'm legally an adult. I mean, I already know I greatly surpass most young adults maturity-wise, but I can't take all the credit for that anyway. Most of that goes to my previous life, wherever and whatever I was, I gained copious amounts of wisdom. Though I obviously don't have access to all this wisdom that is burning in my soul, I know it's there and I know I'll gradually be able to consciously know and apply it to my life. I'm not 100%sure of where I'm going in life but I know for a fact it will be dedicated to these lovely creatures on our earth that we call horses. It seems I've been blessed with the most supportive mother possible, and I will be eternally grateful for her.

Now, tomorrow is coming. I should get my beauty sleep like Marley, our other birthday girl, but I'm going to spend my late evening writing instead, and maybe I'll get some sleep later. This may be one of the best years I've had yet. And the funniest thing is... I'm 18 with few friends that I very rarely see, and I'm so happy anyways. That depression I fell into has completely slipped away, a few days after I started taking vitamin d and the sun came out. That actually makes me laugh! Now I'm pausing my music to listen to the coyotes screech to one another down the road, because that's life, more than this silly music we humans make. Oh god, I'm such a hippy. 

sun shineee keeps waking me up

I must say it's not a bad thing at all. With all this dreary weather we've been having, I happily welcome the sun prying my eyes open each morning. Helios is going his job and is shoving all those damned clouds out of his path! God, thank you. <3

Now that the sun is shining each day, I feel like maybe I don't have to keep taking my vitamin d - Helios can handle that, right? But I'm too afraid of falling into a depression again, so I will continue taking it for a while yet.

Luna is gone, as of the 21st. I will gladly say that I haven't shed a tear, because I know that wherever she is now she is about a million times happier and healthier. She has a strong soul so no matter what the gods and fates had intended for her, I'm pretty sure she'll just do whatever the fuck she wants.

Ball and I had our first 1 anniversary yesterday. Though I didn't see him at all yesterday, lol. We will go out tomorrow instead. To see a movie and go to dinner. Doesn't sound like much for such an occasion, but seeing as that I don't like to go out and we almost never go to the movies or out to dinner, it is pretty much a big deal. We're going to see the Hunger Games.

Now I'm going to shut up because Marley wants fed and I can no longer ignore her sweet little stare.

maybe I should go to sleep

its not that late, but if you consider the fact that I'm usually asleep by 9, quarter past 12 is pretty damn late for me. I took a nap around 4:30 this afternoon and woke at 7. So I'm not tired. The only reason I took that nap was because I got barely any sleep last night, and I didn't have a chance to catch up on lost sleep until the late afternoon. Now, of course, I'm paying for it because I want to sleep but I can't sleep.

And all these animals are breaking my heart. Mostly only Luna and Sherman.

What do you do, when all you have is leaving you?

I guess once it's gone, you don't have it anymore. So you might as well figure out a way to keep on living without it.
But you know what, I think I'll be okay. It's selfish to try and hold back what needs to leave. If you keep it against it's will, it will slowly turn into nothing and then it'll have left you in an even more painful way.
So, for her sake, I'm going to get her looking her best for her day leaving us, and I'm going to take her to the gates and hold her hand until it's time for her to leave. And when she's gone, I'll hold my head high and smile, because she'll leave me with some of her strength, courage, and spirit. And no matter where she goes, and who she goes to next, part of her will always be with me. And part of me will always be with her.
It's a good thing I believe in reincarnation, otherwise I'd be so screwed right now.

sometimes I wish my family wasn't my family

or more that certain family members weren't family members. I can't control who I share blood with, and I feel like shit when my mom gets upset because of it. But I will not be around Kayla anymore. If it's out of my control, I'll make the best of it by not talking to her. I can't wait to get my soy sauce bottle from Ball so I can see what I'm really made of. Maybe tonight will be a good night for some inspiration. To remind myself of why I hate her.

Anyone read the Hunger Games trilogy?

Well first off; it's amazing. Absolutely. I cried at least twice in each of the three books, and now that I've finished Mockingjay, I feel rather depressed. But don't let that stop you from reading it. It's a good kind of depressed. Although I hope my sister reads them. That kind of story would fuck her mind up. It's not for the faint hearted or pathetically paranoid. Just saying.

Now I'm going to go watch Labyrinth - with David Bowie - to make myself feel better. But I can assure everyone that I'm not going to stop thinking about these books for at least a week, if not longer, and that I it will always be in my brain. For pretty much ever.

It also reminded me of Eddie, and I cried so much because of that. So maybe not everyone else cried at that, unless their best friend that also happened to be their familiar that also happened to be their best friend was killed because of your say-so. That's the closest I'll ever get to committing murder.